


i love you so

by teachans



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, a few other members are mentioned, also i didn't proofread this so i'm sorry for any mistakes!!, i love cheolsoo bye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-19 00:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14863019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teachans/pseuds/teachans
Summary: seungcheol learns to fall in love with joshua in every season.





	i love you so

**Author's Note:**

> hello! the different parts of this fic are inspired by different songs (you can listen to them while you read if you want!)
> 
> summer - perfect places by lorde  
> autumn - the very thought of you by nat king cole  
> winter - same old same old by the civil wars  
> spring - first day of my life by bright eyes

**perfect places**

_“it’s just another graceless night.”_

 

seungcheol falls in love in the summer.

 

it’s an endless cycle for seungcheol; another subway ride, another drive around town, another party, another drink. he’s spent far too many nights awake and consumed too many drinks that his seventeen-year-old body can handle, but it’s what he’s used to now.

 

but joshua’s a breath of fresh air in the midst of his season’s weather. with his blond hair and honey-tanned skin, he sticks out like a sore thumb among the crowd in jihoon’s living room. seungcheol can’t shake off the sight of his sickly-sweet-lemonade smile and the mischievous glint in his big doe eyes.

 

he soon finds out joshua is wilder than he looks. by the end of the night he’s a loud, giggling mess, a sharp contrast from his demure facade. seungcheol can’t help but laugh when he starts dancing in the kitchen and scream-shouting the lyrics of every song in this 2010 party music playlist being played on the speakers. for the first time in a long time, seungcheol doesn’t mind being sober. he can’t help but melt into the sheets when joshua asks him to stay after bringing him home. he leaves one light on like he asks.

 

falling in love with joshua is another cycle. there are days he feels like the idle period of the season, when heat stills the chaos of the city, and the faintest hum of ice clinking on glass, electric fans, and wind chimes lilts in the breeze. it’s soft, sweet, and seungcheol feels like the earth is a ripe peach he can take a bite of when he looks at joshua.

 

but sometimes it’s fiery and unpredictable. it’s carrying a drunk joshua home one too many times, cleaning up the messes he leaves behind when the risks he takes goes uncalculated, or it’s wandering hands under t-shirts and burning sensations on the usual friday nights they spend away from home.

 

“i really like you,” joshua slurs during one party while they slow dance to an elton john song. he looks like a sun-kissed dream under the warm light of mingyu’s apartment.

 

“i think you’ve had too much to drink, shua.” seungcheol giggles.

 

joshua giggles too “hmm i like it when you call me that. no, but i really do. i really do like you. i like you so much,” he rambles into his shirt. seungcheol wonders if he can feel the warmth blooming from his ribcage. and when he kisses him, he tastes like coconut-scented sunblock.

 

seungcheol loses him to the summer wind when joshua gets on a plane back to his hometown to the other side of the world.

 

 

*******

**the very thought of you**

_“i see your face in every flower, your eyes in stars above.”_

  


seungcheol makes joshua his in the autumn.

 

he finds him outside a cafe near his university, his hands wrapped around a steaming mug of something to keep warm. his hair is now a coffee-colored shade of brown that falls and frames his features delicately, much unlike the salt-slicked blond he sported three summers ago. his gold looks stunning against the backdrop of reds and auburns. when their eyes meet, seungcheol feels the same cheek-burning heat reminiscent of when they had first met at jihoon’s party. he can’t stop the goofy smile forming on his face when joshua gives him his crinkly-eyed, nose-scrunching one. seungcheol wastes no time in asking him out for real.

 

“were all the times you brought me home after parties not counted as dates?” joshua asks. they’re in a restaurant seungcheol knows both of them can’t afford to be in, but that’s a problem for later, he decides.

 

“well for me, a date is—preferably—when both parties are sober,” seungcheol replies.

 

“at least at the beginning of the night, you mean?” teases joshua, raising his wine glass.

 

the other lets his glass clink against his as he gives a playful wink. “if you say so, hong.” and joshua laughs at that.

 

he’s reminded that nothing feels like joshua’s laugh. especially the head-thrown-back, no-hand-covering-his-mouth kind, and he wants nothing more than to hear that for the rest of his days. he wonders why he never appreciated it, or why joshua never laughed like that the summer they met. maybe the june sunlight burned far too harshly for this kind of warmth. autumn seems to be the perfect time for falling. and that’s what seungcheol does.

 

loving joshua consists of dancing around their apartment in nothing but pajamas, laughing until their stomachs hurt, watching cheesy rom-coms that seungcheol rolls his eyes at (but secretly enjoys), joshua teaching him how to play guitar, the smell of hot chocolate, and red wine stains on bed sheets. seungcheol loves listening to joshua’s stories about his hometown of LA the most. he notices how the other’s eyes crinkle up at the corners and how every breath sounds like a giggle when he tells them.

 

“cheol, was i too much back then?” joshua asks. seungcheol stirs from his position on the couch, his head resting on the other’s lap.

 

“nah. i wouldn’t have put up with you for so long if you were too much,” seungcheol jokes. joshua replies with a light smack on his head.

 

“or am i too boring now?”

 

seungcheol sits up and rests his head on his shoulder. “i think you’re just right, shua.”

  


 

*******

**same old, same old**

_“do i love you? oh i do, and i’m going to till i’m gone.”_

 

seungcheol loses joshua in the winter.

 

“we’re not the same people, seungcheol.” joshua tells him one night. it’s really bad this time; he calls him seungcheol.

 

“i know that, shua—” he notices his shoulders tense up when he says his name. “—but i still love you. i’m still absolutely in love with you. that hasn’t changed.”

 

but seungcheol knows deep down joshua is right. the cold has killed more than just the leaves. he sees the boy he fell for being inhabited by the alien of winter’s gloom, while he holds on tightly to that summer’s fire. he denies it, but it’s not what joshua needs right now, and he denies that it singes his fingertips. he can no longer bear to see joshua’s sobbing crumpled frame on the bathroom floor, he can no longer bear looking at his once starry eyes frost over, he can no longer bear the crushing weight of being the cause of it. joshua is tired of sleeping on the couch.

 

“maybe it has to,” joshua says and seungcheol feels his chest drop through the thinning ice.

that same night, joshua sleeps next to him; this time he turns the light off. seungcheol finds himself immersed in the darkness he once knew but didn’t miss.

 

“i’m sorry,” he hears him mumble before he drifts off to sleep.

 

seungcheol misses his laugh, the warmth of his coarse hands, and how much he felt like home. yet, he still falls in love with his quiet. he reminds himself that winter is also beautiful in its own way. he learns to appreciate the beauty of the slightness of snowfall, and learns to how navigate through his blizzards.

 

one morning, he wakes up and joshua’s side of the bed is cold and empty. he’s left nothing but a few strands of silver on his pillow.

 

 

*******

**first day of my life**

_“i think i was blind before i met you.”_

 

joshua comes back in the spring.

 

seungcheol is greeted by a fresh face at his door. now there is life in his eyes, there is color in his cheeks. when he speaks, joshua’s tone has a timidness in it, but he hears the sincerity in every word. it feels like meeting him for the first time.

 

it’s been over a year since joshua left. the ever-present loneliness of winter hovered over seungcheol’s head during those days. not a soul walked the same halls he did. it seemed to always be cold in his apartment.

 

meanwhile, joshua seemed to have been trying to recreate the summer they met. always had too much to drink, but no one to carry him home. he tells seungcheol all the names of the boys he tried to love. junhui, who loved a little too much. seokmin, who loved a little too hard. jeonghan, who loved too little.

 

“no one ever stayed,” says joshua. he smiles, but there’s still a sadness in his puffy eyes. seungcheol reaches across the table for his hand and he doesn’t pull away. his touch is warm.

 

“i bet no one sat through your awful rom-coms either,” seungcheol jabs playfully. he’s not sure if it’s too soon or not for banter, but he hopes it elicits at least a chuckle from the other. joshua’s eyes widen and his mouth hangs agape before his expression blooms into one seungcheol knows all too well. seeing the crinkly crescent-moon eyes, the slight scrunch of his nose, and the flush of pink on the apples of his cheeks feels like seeing sunlight peeking through rain clouds and drawn curtains. soon, both of them are laughing until their ribs grow sore.

 

it’s everything at once; it’s the thrill that comes with the third shot of tequila, it’s the heat radiating from a freshly brewed cup of hot chocolate, it’s the cool burn of ice on skin.

 

seungcheol takes joshua in again, how could he not? they both know things are not the same, they don’t know if it ever will be. but spring is the season for newness, for thawing whatever ice has remained. seungcheol brings him flowers, and joshua rolls his eyes at his puns. they have picnics on weekends. joshua wakes seungcheol up singing. they find a rom-com both of them aren’t ashamed of liking. despite the occasional april showers, they learn to fall in love with each others may blossoms. joshua comes home one day with a shade of grapefruit pink in his hair. seungcheol kisses him and tells him he looks beautiful. his heart swells twice its size. they heal.

 

sometimes there is rain, there will always be rain. but they find that the best part is getting to dance under it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is my recovery after a long, long battle with writer's block so i apologize if it's a bit weird in some parts (i also wrote this in the span of one day and it's 1 am as we speak). please tell me what you think!! comments and suggestions are very much appreciated!! if you want to reach me elsewhere, i'm on twitter at chanhaoshua!


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